Warning Signs of an Abusive Realtionship
Most individuals who hurt their partners and/or family members do not do it out of anger; they do it out of a desire to control. Listed below are tactics used by controlling individuals and may be signs that you or a loved one is in an abusive relationship.
Emotionally Abusive
- Humiliates, ridicules, name calls, mocks
- Degrades, withholds affection
- Uses silence or profanity
- Tells partner no one else would want him/her and she/he will never be allowed to leave the relationship
- Acts loving and apologetic after verbal or physical abuse
- Begs for forgiveness and promises to change (but never does)
Threatens/Intimidates
- Displays intense jealousy or possessiveness
- Becomes easily enraged
- Threatens to leave or institutionalize partner
- Destroys partner’s property
- Threatens/hurts children or pets or other family members or friends
- Threatens to kill partner or him/herself if the relationship should end
Physically Abuses
- Slaps, punches, pinches, bites, kicks, hits walls, throws things, etc.
- Is rough with physical body parts during care giving
- Strangles partner
Sexually Abuses
- Is rough with intimate body parts during sex
- Makes demeaning remarks about intimate body parts
- Refuses affections or sexual intimacy as punishment
- Forces sexual intimacy or uncomfortable sexual behavior
Minimizes, Denies, and Blames the Person Being Controlled
- Makes light of abusive behavior
- Does not take partner’s concerns about it seriously
- Denies abuse happened
- Says it was the partner’s behavior that caused the abuse
Uses Family Members
- Misleads family about extent and nature of partner’s illnesses/conditions/mental stability
- Excludes or denies partner access to family; forces family to keep secrets
- Manipulates children to be abusive to partner
Isolates
- Controls what partner does, who partner sees, and where partner goes
- Denies access to phone or mail
Ridicules Values/Spirituality
- Denies access to worship and/or clergy
- Ignores or ridicules religious/cultural values
- Uses religion/scriptures to rationalize abuse
Abuses/Neglects Dependencies and Medical Needs
- Takes away partner’s walker, wheelchair, glasses, medications, etc.
- Does not report medical conditions and/or makes partner miss medical appointments
Exploits Financially
- Steals money, property titles, possessions
- Takes control of finances without permission
- Abuses power of attorney
Uses Privilege
- Treats partner like a servant
- Makes all major decisions
Adapted from the Domestic Violence Services Network (DVSN), Inc.
