If You Think you may be Abusing your Partner
Domestic violence hurts victims and their children. In addition to the physical injuries, there is a lifetime of impact from living with domestic violence. If you don’t want this for your partner or your children, you can stop it. You are in control of your own behavior and you can choose not to abuse.
Remember, abuse is a learned and deliberate behavior used to establish and maintain power and control in your relationship. But if you choose to change, you can.
Certified batterer intervention programs can help. These programs focus on the behavior and thinking of the abuser and offer new options. They emphasize accountability (abuse is only the fault of the abuser and never the victim) and on empathy building so that you may begin to understand the impact that your abuse is having on your partner and your children.
Remember, couples counseling is never appropriate in an abusive relationship. Anger management programs are also not appropriate for intervening in domestic violence, because anger is not the reason for the violence. It is almost always true that abusers may get angry at people other than their partners (their boss, the person ahead of them in line at the grocery store), but they do not become violent and abusive with these people. They are able to control their anger, they simply choose to use their anger to get control over their intimate partner. If that describes you, seek the help of a certified batterer intervention program.
Additionally, if you have a substance abuse issue, it is not the cause of the violence. However, domestic violence abusers that use substances may need batterer intervention services and substance abuse treatment.